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Underneath your son sounds like he has firm values and a firm foundation. It's still there but gets clouded over at times and it can be heart-wrenching to feel like its all fallen apart. Some flexibility on your part may be warranted to help him see that you are willing to meet him and hear him but that you'll both have to do your parts in finding a balance that works. It's amazing how kids will live up to our trust in them, when given the chance. Ask him how he would feel if some kid on the street said that to his mom?So why would he think a wonderful son like him who wants responsibilities and freedoms should be allowed this type of behavior?If he sees his friends on a Friday then Saturday he is in. a day (plays violin and viola), Must help around the house and clean up after himself. My son and his cousins are playing for her wedding. We wanted to get to know the parents more than just a few minutes during drop off and pick up at homes and during games. Before the FU episode we had discussed the rules from our meeting. I'd apologize to him for calling him out in front of his cousins, and I'd ask him to apologize to you for being rude. He'll be out of the house so soon, and he'll grow out of this stage, why fight? Make rules that support him making good choices about those things, rather than simply saying 10pm.Politeness: say goodmorning, goodnite, please thank you. He forgot something and I started lecturing him on it. Sometimes the hardest thing that we can do is admit to our kids that we did something that hurt them, but I honestly believe doing that builds the best relationships. Many kids would say that's like telling him that he can't go out at all, as he can't go to the late movie is friends will want to go to, or his friends will have to leave someplace early to get him home. Make rules about drinking, or letting you know where he is, instead of just saying a certain time. As for the phone, believe me, I totally get this battle. I like the idea that the phone stays in the kitchen while he's sleeping (a lot of my students wake to check texts in the middle of the night, and that's just not healthy).Perhaps its a time also to consider finding some common ground and a midpoint.It might help him to see that you are willing to be flexible and model for him that he needs to be too. It sounds as if you do love him, but HE has to see that, too. The F-U needs to be punished, but I agree with him that the phone rule is too strict. Or say something along the lines of if he ever gives you a reason not to trust him then that rule is coming back into play. I also want to add, a young man should be made to at least FEEL like he was part of the process. Also let him know you know he is going to follow these rules and if you see that he "keeps it together" you will discuss, maybe tweaking it a little..We did have household/family expectations, of course.
He needs to learn how to make his own schedule and keep up with his responsibilities.. Her mother reminded her that she had not practiced like before, so what did the girl expect?We always tried to prove her right, cause she could snatch that freedom away anytime she felt we were not living up to her standards.. check out my further examples of my mothers way of parenting teens.. One thing that I would add is that I don't take the phone away at night from my 15 soon to be 16 year old.My expectations as far as school for her are very clear so I don't know if she turns it off or on silent every school night or what but I have had no problems with her being tired or not wanting to get up for school in the morning or with her grades.You'll get through this, but is it disconcerting and stressful when things like this arise. You may be doing this and I suspect you are, but don't forget to reinforce all the positive in him.As I read your post I noticed I was having the reaction of this is a lot of rules and perhaps a it really does feel like a 'laundry list' to your son. Let him know that you respect his point of view but his behavior is only reinforcing the need for putting down your rules.