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You can’t be too disappointed when you don’t get a reply.

Next, you could say to yourself, “Hmm…if all the other women are writing to the top 5%, that means those men in the 50-90th percentile are comparatively being neglected.” Thus, you’re going to have a lot more success writing to the proverbial “6’s” and “7s” than the “10’s”.

I can think of a couple instances off the top of my head.

Both men are balding, but professionals, super nice, intelligent, thoughtful, in good shape, and fun to hang around. I haven’t seen the other’s profile (he’s a friend from church) but, really?

After coaching women for many years, I already suspected this, but this was a stark realization when you see just how few men you even find to be average looking. Ok Cupid reports that the most attractive women still receive 5X more email than average women and 28X more email than unattractive women.

Literally 2/3 of male messages go to the best looking 1/3 of women.

I am much more selective of who I respond to online than I am of who I would talk to in the real world, solely due to the sheer volume.

If I go out to a bar maybe one or two guys will approach me to strike up a conversation, which I’ll almost always engage in (unless they attempt some a-hole opener) because I’m a decent human being and open to engaging with other decent human beings. When I first started I wanted to respond to each person (unless they attempt some a-hole opener) because I’m a decent human being, and it seems decent to respond to another human being that reached out to you.

To sum up, women find most men ugly, but write to them anyway.

This doesn’t mean that they’re not shallow (they are), but rather, that they are consistent and reasonable in terms of “rating” women’s looks.

Like in a normal bell curve, 5% of the women were found to be the least attractive and 5% were found to be the most attractive, with most women falling in the middle 90%.

Finally, you’ll see that since you can’t force people to write to you (since most men and women are chasing younger, more attractive people), ALL you can do is open up to others and improve the way you interact on your dating site. Looking at the pictures of their highly-rated and average males and females, I think I realized part of the problem.

Could it be that the responders to their questionnaires were rather young, and that’s why the “hottest” guys appear 18-20 while OK Cupid’s employees who look to be at least mid-20s were even considered semi-decent?

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