Dating within your church

If they say “let’s go home together now,” you can say you think they’re really great and you’d like to get to know then better—over coffee the next day.This does a few things: First of all, it’s different, so you’ve got their attention.Another argument would say, if you really love someone you should prove it to them there and then. And it can be confused for desire or a heat-of-the-moment crush.Too often, a girl is convinced to have sex as the only way to prove her love.This past Sunday I gave a lecture on sex, dating and relationships at the Newman Center at the University of Iowa.As a professor here, I teach classes on the American family and introductory sociology courses, so I’ve heard a lot about the undergraduate hook-up culture.My students aren’t sure what a hook-up really means, or how to find a lasting relationship when casual sex is the norm.So when the Newman Center invited me to speak to young adult Catholics on these issues, I jumped at the chance.

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Think about what you want from a relationship: Mutual appreciation? There are seven sacraments (quick—can you name them?Here are a few highlights: “How do you break the routine of hook-ups and try to find a quality relationship? These kinds of benefits require trust—and trust takes time to build.” Think about what you want from a relationship: Mutual appreciation? This, to me, is one of the biggest problems with the hook-up culture: It skips over all the emotional relationship and trust building and jumps into a physical and very personal act without the emotional backup.Chastity, however, is something that is valued by the Church as the way we guard our sexuality before marriage.But it’s increasingly hard to do with all the peer pressure and cultural pressures telling us to do the opposite.

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